Not In My Wheelhouse - Leading People to More and Recognizing Enough

For the past 7 months, I've been spending an enormous amount of energy, time, effort, and money on a professional development program that is right on the cusp of this-is-in-my-wheelhouse comfortable and so-totally-not-in-my-nature-awkward.

Which is good, because getting out of your comfort zone allows you to access new thoughts, ideas, strengths and opportunities.

But it's also hard.   When your brain and heart are nearly exploding from learning so much and trying so hard, it can be exhausting.

In this program, public speakers are taught the tips, skills, and tools of the acting trade, by professional actors with coveted degrees. The goal is to accelerate your speaking and speeches, taking them to the next level, where you can truly grab the audience's attention and inspire them.

Learning my lines and acting them out - that acting stuff isn't in my wheelhouse. I've never once wanted to be an actress. There is no appeal. It does the opposite of resonate - whatever that is.

Hang on lemme check Google.

Dulls. Dampens. Quiets. Shushes. 

I mean those are good, but I'd go further and suggest the idea of acting seems antithetical to who I want to be as a human and a leader, real.

Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a great play or show or movie. I do. And I'm often wondering in the middle of a particular scene, how can they stand to do that with so many people watching?  Or how did they make themselves cry or laugh on command.  

There is the crux of the issue. Playing large feelings and actions, the drama and expression is the not-in-my-nature part.

So, in my last class, my instructor said something along the lines of:

"You're acting at a 4. I need you to be a 10."

Of course, that came after copious comments about how much I was progressing and how they were proud of my effort and all. 

Two things pop out to me about this when I relate it to Leadership:

1. What Type of Star are we Expecting?

As Leaders, we are looking for 10s in our people all the time. We want everyone to be a star. It takes less effort from us if we have more people doing well and picking up slack and innovating and moving us forward.

But people don't shine in the same way. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to be a 10. And it's unrealistic to expect them to be a 10 in the way that you know how to be a 10.

This instructor could be a 10 at acting in her sleep.

I'm kinda cool with being a 4. Four feels BIG to me. I might stretch to a 6. But a 10 in acting? That seems like a lot.  I'm a 10 in many other ways.  I don't know if I even want to be a 10 in acting.

(Now bear in mind, I'm paying them to teach me this, which is not exactly the case with our teams.)

And so, as Leaders, we have to look at where our people CAN be a 10. What skills, behaviors, contributions does each individual bring, or have the potential to bring?  How do those fit into the roles and objectives of your team? And what do you do if that isn't something you need on your team at that moment?  

2. No Matter What You Say Before or After, People Will Remember the 4.

Positive environments reduce stress, increase resiliency, and go a long way towards establishing trust. In our Boss at the Helm leadership workshops and courses, we talk often about how Leaders have to go to extreme lengths to build a positive environment, appreciating people way more often and in many more ways than you'd think.  

This is partly because we need more people, the highest number of people we can possible reach, to hear and know what we value, what good looks like, what we want to see more of. And that often means telling Good stories behind people's backs. Whenever you have a genuine opportunity, you take it and use it as a chance to appreciate, show gratitude, and give people credit for meaningful behaviors and contributions.

It's also because of negativity bias. Daily, we are inundated with the negatives that stick with us so much longer than the positives.

While my instructor wasn't aiming for negative when she carefully said she felt like I was a 4 and could do more, I still hear it and think. Hmm, a 4 is bad in their mind. I have to do better.  That's my own bias. My upbringing said perfection or near perfection is the goal. Cognitively I know perfection isn't a thing to strive for. And still, my mind says, oh but a 10 in acting, you must strive for it.

Encouragement is weird. Right?  You run the risk of being a worrisome earworm in someone's mind while trying to prompt them to keep trying, to practice, to learn, to improve. You never know what scripts that are running in someone else's head. 

This goes back to what do you really value and need on your team, in your division, in your company? If you truly need 10s in acting and emoting, do everything you can to model that, train it, encourage it, and gently strengthen it. Hire for it. Nurture it. Call it out when you're not getting it.

But, if you don't need all 10s and if a few 4s, 6,s and 8s are welcome, then remember to acknowledge and support those people, too. Appreciate them for what they bring and find out where they can be 10s. guide them to it. 

For more on Recognition check out our 31 Ways to Show Recognition videos in our

Mini but Mighty ℠ Leadership Lessons on https://www.youtube.com/@BossattheHelm