Body Language and the Signals Your Physical Presence Sends to Others

A friend said to me, as we laughed about how we were both sitting on a Zoom talking to each other with our arms crossed,

"Well, how do we know that crossing arms is perceived as a negative between us? We're friends. What if it isn't a barrier signal to our brains in the way it is to others?"

We'd been talking about body language and some of the habits and physical things we have that send signals to others. Being aware of and interpreting body language is  a key clue to reading the room and understanding how to proceed.  I'd just published this episode on the topic after speaking about it all week.

And she had an excellent point, one that further solidifies why you need to take time to get to know your team, to get to know them really well. Sometimes crossing your arms can mean deep thinking, reflection, or analytical processing. 

But you'd have to know the person and the context well because crossed arms typically suggest defensiveness, suspicion, resistance and being closed off to people or ideas. 

What I learned as I began to dive into body language and physical presence is that I cross my arms a lot, in addition to touching my face and sometimes gently pulling my hair. These are all self-soothing techniques.

Doesn't make me a bad or weak person. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm uncomfortable with the topic or situation. In fact, self soothing is a technique that helps you emotionally regulate and build resilience.

I've adapted these habits because they make me feel more comfortable. And still, it's important to have a grasp on what your signals may be interpreted as to others.

It's kind of like knowing which form of address or style of grammar to use with the audience you're among. You may be more casual with a younger group or your close friends and slightly more polished, polite, or professional with colleagues, clients or strangers.

It's important to know which habits you've adopted or adapted. Then take it further and realize that when people do not know you well enough yet, you can and should be aware of and modify your body language to the scene and setting. 

If you walk into a meeting with a new team member, someone you're meeting for the first time and you cross your arms and lean back then you should understand that to most people, that will give an impression that you're reserved, judging, taking a step back from them.

They're all keys that can help you be better informed about your own presence and help you guide others on your team.

It's about awareness.